Pest Control
by ANGSWIN
Summary: Ant-Man irritates Hermione. However, all is not as it seems...bad puns are abundant...and their friends are amused. A HP/Avengers/Ant-Man/MCU crossover


Written to serve double duty for  
the **2018 Marvelously Magical Bingo** challenge  
Square: N1 - Prompt: Hermione Granger/Scott Lang  
and  
the **2019 Hermione's Haven Bingo** challenge  
Square: N1 - Prompt: Romance

* * *

PEST CONTROL

"Bloody hell, Scott! What have I told you about staying out of my hair?" Hermione Granger, magical expert for the Avengers and their allies, muttered with frustration before she reached up into her lively mane and deftly plucked out the interloper. She had been assisting a few members of the group in the workshop with a couple of well-placed _Reparo _spells on some of the non-mechanical equipment damages that had been sustained during their last battle when she became extremely irritated with the (currently) smallest member. After she caught the miscreant, though, she temporarily immobilized him with magic. The witch then firmly held the dangling Ant Man out in front of her between her thumb and forefinger.

"Damn, I wish I knew how to do that!" An impressed Sam muttered from where he sat nearby, as he made some adjustments and corrections to the delicate, yet complex, parts of his wing suit. "A _little_ payback would be nice, after all." He then snorted lightly at own joke.

Since she knew all about the history between the two men, Hermione spared a quick amused look for the Falcon before she turned her full attention back on the little figure in front of her. In an almost casually bored tone, she continued to speak to him. "Did I ever tell you what I did to the last person who could turn herself into a bug and made a habit of using that ability to spy on me – often from my hair?" She murmured a spell and the little figure gained back just enough control of his body in order to shake his tiny head slightly in response to her question.

"I put her in a _jar!" _Hermione answered gleefully…and the other witch in the room gasped in surprise. Wanda knew that the woman who was helping to teach her how to control and refine her special abilities was powerful and tough in her own right…with an occasional vindictive streak when she was crossed in the wrong way…but she also knew that the witch was quite fair and level-headed at the same time_. _Therefore, _that_ action did not really seem to be in character for the normally rational woman whom she had come to admire so much.

"What?" Hermione asked her pupil in a pseudo-innocent tone before she smiled reassuringly at her. "Don't worry. I promise you that the treatment was well deserved. At the time, I was several years younger than you are now…only fifteen…and she kept writing nasty lies about my supposed love life with a couple of very high-profile young wizards in her newspaper and magazine articles for _everyone _in Magical Britain to see. Not only was it extremely rude of her to do so, but it was also quite irresponsible and dangerous, as well. People retaliated against me for some of the things that she said and I even ended up in the infirmary once because of her dishonesty. At any rate, I did let her out of the jar…_eventually…_but only after she promised to stop writing lies about people and actually practice some responsible journalism for once. Therefore, what I did was practically a public service." Her mentor's explanation mollified Wanda immediately, and she found that she actually approved wholeheartedly of Hermione's retaliation against the woman who used the power of the media in such a petty and horrific way - especially when it involved the private life of a young girl.

Sam must have agreed, as well, because he chuckled heartily at the idea that - even back then - Hermione was obviously a spitfire of a witch. "Let me guess," he said. "Harry was one of your "high-profile young wizards." He, and the other Avengers, had met Hermione's best friend many times before since the wizard often came to visit her after she had moved to the States. Therefore, he knew how close the two famous Magicals were and he could see how such a relationship could easily be exploited by the press.

"Of course he was," Hermione sighed heavily. "As if I could ever think of him in any way other than a brother..." She sighed again before she turned her attention back to the matter at hand.

"Now, as for you, _Little Man…_ I am very glad that the suit is in complete working order again and that your test was successful, but unless you want to suffer the same fate as Rita Skeeter, this is the last time that I am going to tell you that my hair is not your personal playground in which to test out your equipment. After all, if you simply like my new shampoo _that_ much, you know very well that there are a lot more pleasant ways to get close enough to me to smell my hair without being so damn annoying about it!"

"Annoying is the only way Tic Tac knows how to act," Sam muttered again and Wanda let out a small uncharacteristic giggle at the statement…and at the nickname that Sam had given to Scott a long time ago. Hermione smiled, as well, as she moved to set the miniscule man down on the floor and then stepped back to give him plenty of room to transform back to his normal size.

In a _whoosh,_ Scott was a full-sized man again. He immediately took off his helmet and stepped up to the witch in order to quickly pull her close to his body. "No need to be so _ant_-agonistic, Sweetheart" he cracked and she groaned at the bad pun. "However, I must admit that you were right. This is definitely better than climbing around in there!" he confirmed happily as he buried his face in her tresses and peppered her neck with kisses while Sam made goodnatured gagging noises nearby.

Without even looking at the Falcon, Scott flipped him the bird from behind Hermione's back. Far from insulting Sam, though, his action just sent both of the others over the edge into laughter, instead. Scott ignored them, however, as he pulled Hermione even closer. "Now about this _little man_ stuff," he growled. "You know very well that there is nothing _little_ about anything that I have. In fact, don't forget that the suit goes both ways. I can also grow huge…even gig_ant_ic!" He purposely emphasized the key word there and the witch shook her head at the pun that was even worse than the first one.

She wisely chose not to comment on it, however. "Is that so?" she retorted instead. "Well, I hope that you can back that statement up with some evidence. I'm not one to believe all of the rubbish that the blokes claim, you know – not without some solid proof."

"I'll show you something solid!" Scott proclaimed with a salacious grin. "Especially since you know it makes me all hot and bothered when you talk Britishy to me!"

Meanwhile, in the background, Sam paused in his work to cover his ears. "Ugg, please stop!" he protested. "I'm too young and innocent to hear such things!" Wanda just snorted a little in disbelief at such a declaration. With his charming smile and such soulful eyes, Sam had no shortage of female admirers - regardless of what he might say.

Hermione knew that, as well, but she decided to play along anyway. "Maybe we should call it a day, then," Hermione suggested to Scott slyly, "and head home in order to insure Sam's continued innocence." The man in her arms seemed eager to comply with her suggestion, but she had to warn him. "We need to hurry, though, because you told Cassie that you would pick her up from school this afternoon since this is our weekend with her."

Scott looked up at the clock on the wall of the workshop. "We still have a couple of hours," he commented and waggled his eyebrows suggestively. "Let's go and see how just how many sweet little British nothings you can whisper in my ear before our time runs out, my lovely magical crumpet."

"Please don't call me that ever again!" Hermione groaned...even though the quick goodbye wave that she sent towards the other two proved her eagerness to be gone, as well. Then she wrapped her arms even more firmly around the man and apparated them both, suit and all, out of the Avengers compound and back to their house in the country. A loud, but familiar, _crack_ reverberated through the workshop with their magical disappearance.

After their departure, Sam grinned over at Wanda as he told her, "Now that is what I call _pest control!" _He then paused to shake his head with consternation before he finished his thought. "I still don't know what she sees in that man, though, much less why she actually married him!" He shook his head again before he turned his attention back to his work.

Wanda just rolled her eyes. She knew that Sam was all talk in this instance because he did not _really_ dislike Scott – especially not when he, and everyone else, could see how much the Ant-Man and the British witch loved each other. In fact, nobody on the team had been surprised at all when the two of them had announced their engagement after just a few months together - simply because neither one of them had so much as even looked at anyone else since the moment they met.

That occasion had occurred on the battlefield after Hermione joined the team in order to help defeat the dark wizard and his army of Inferi which had been the _emergency du jour._ In fact, the situation was so dire that all of the reserves had been called in that day - including Scott. When it was all over and the Avengers' victory had been established, Hermione had helped to magically heal Scott's wounds and mended his torn suit while he had kept her laughing the entire time. After that experience, the two of them were inseparable. At first, Scott had admitted to Wanda that he was worried his status as an ex-con would frighten Hermione away, but he was in for a surprise when he finally broke down and admitted it to the woman in question. In fact, the British witch just laughed and confessed that she did not exactly have a perfect record, either - especially since she had essentially become an identity thief, robbed a bank, and had then stolen a getaway dragon all on one very memorable occasion during the Wizarding War. All of those actions were quite illegal - even though they had been done for a very good reason at the time and she had later been pardoned for them.

"Aha! Gotcha!" Sam's triumphant tone soon broke into Wanda's musings about their friends' relationship. He looked up and smiled at her as the last piece finally slid into place on his wing suit.

"Just in case I did something wrong, do you wanna go out to the practice field with me…and keep me from crashing to the ground and dying a painful death while I test this out?" he asked her as he headed for the door. "You can invite Vision," he added with a knowing wink. After all - just like it had been with Hermione and Scott - it was obvious how those two felt about each other.

"Who's the pest now?" Wanda answered with a slight blush at his obvious insinuation, but she smiled as she followed him out of the room anyway – and that pleased look became even more pronounced when Vision joined them just a moment later. After all, she knew from firsthand experience exactly why even such an unconventional couple like Hermione and Scott were always so happy together...even when a little pest control was obviously needed...


End file.
